Yes and Amen

God's promises are yes and amen!  That's right what he promises He will bring to pass.  That's a relief!  I was so bogged down in repentence with the highlight on my sin I almost forgot how much He loves me and how very gracious He is.  It makes me smile just to think of it.

I actually prayed for my husband today for his coming and for his day.  That is a huge step forward for me.

I had a light and airy day today with Des - we have such a sweet connection.  It almost reminds me of me back then only she is so much more centered and secure then I ever was. 

Dune and I did a late night catch up.  It is always amazing in the wee small hours when all are sleeping there is always one that wants to talk and go deep with Aunt Kelilah.  I just love these guys!!!!!

Good night, my destiny awaits me!

Dear God

I was terribly lost when the galaxies crossed!   When you rode in on your cloud to find me.

 I was ready to sell out but in your love and mercy you were gracious enough to keep drawing me and to bring me to repentence and deliverance. 

 Who am I?  I am yours!

The flesh has to suffer you said.  And so you called me to a fast that you had chosen.  At first I pulled back and then I said, have it all even if it costs me everything I am willing.  

I pray I am now a vessel ready for your use.

O'h how He loves me

I will start training tomorrow for my awaited destiny

You were once a child of innocence

Lord I had no idea we were going back so far.....to my childhood.... you want to heal me....and use me for your kingdom.....OK....I am yours now.....you want it all.....I know there is another side to all this by faith and you keep sending me encouragement with more demands to go on....

Last night it was Tavienne's story and then you had Rosie tell me her story. Their faith made me feel so weak....they had come through the fire shinning with peace and great hope for the future.  They believe you and trust you even after having suffered great losses and pain...they are both at peace and I see you in them... They give me purpose beyond myself in being here....I feel needed and loved!!!!

Today was Temple and with that came my ride there with the older kids.... once again jamming to the music....  I am starting to love one of their favorites Owl City.  The group is so whimsical and I just love their light and airy sound....  It feels like an escape back to innocence......

Finally

1. Really!  I wanted to get back to you but I get so DISTRACTED!!!  There's a battle going on between good and evil whoo whoo I'm not given up now.  Pretty much the story the past two weeks I skipped out.  I went home for two days with Brandy and the baby.  I  picked up a new car and had my hair colored, cancelled my trip to Calif. and I am now back in VA.  This is all about my attempts to follow His voice and trying to stay on His mission and not my own.
2.  We went to Temple today to celebrate Rosh Hoshana.  We took the new car and jammed all the way there with the music blairing.  It was a great way to bring in the Jewish New Year.  I just love these kids.
3. I have a sense that Dave finally received my lost Dear John letter and will now disappear off the radar screen.  I actually have mixed feelings about that but some relief too.  I am so looking forward to the deliverance that has been delayed but coming soon as it is all part of the same issues.  I do not know why those numbers are randomly appearing tonight but I just don't feel like fighting them and besides who cares.
4. I have a sense that things are changing here.  I am not so much feeling like a guest but becoming more and more a part of the family.  I see each relationship going deeper and fuller.  I like that!  Here's to a blessed, obedient destiny in the coming year.......

Flee and Pursue

I keep saying that am waiting on God but is it He who is waiting on me?  Yesterday was a little tough.  I discovered that I can not listen to romantic music it actually sent me fleeing out of a store.  I couldn't wait to come home to my safe place.  I went to bed teary-eyed after I asked God to please  grace me with His desire and put it in me that I will have a knowing and not just from others for his direction.  I will follow you to the lost and the broken. 

7:30 bible study and these late nights are catching up with me. Yet it is so valuable that I would not want to miss.  The scripture along with the discussion is always worth getting up for.

Got to give back some today.  Made tuna for all of us and needed the assistance of one of the guys to mix it because of the huge quantity.  I am use to one and we are 19.  I also did a market run today and I had to laugh because I needed to buy enormous amounts of everything and it made me smile.  Sat in on the homeschooling and learned a lot about my body in the science class it was so fascinating.  Tonight was Gilana's birthday and she turned 2.  Her mommy Emily is expecting a baby any time now.  If I am still here I may get to see the delivery as she will have it with a midwife here at the house.  Lana, as we all call her needed shoes for the winter so Brandy and I were able to find them for her along with a sweet little dress for her birthday.

Trying not to think about Dave.  I miss him and pray he is well.  

I am so blessed to be here as I await my destiny, thank you Lord God

My Obedience You Will Have

Spent the day close to Him.  Started out with family bible study and then I listened to the deliverance and healing tape from my first trip.  It took over two hours and it was filled with one healing after another.  Deception and control are the two that come to mind just now.  I went our briefly and heard some romantic music in a story that sent me running back home.  I could not handle it as it had such a strong pull on my emotions I actually had to leave the store.  

I have been surviving on little sleep but doing well-what a blessing!  I had no plans for the evening of course so I prayed what would you like Lord God?  Almost immediately I found myself in a spiritual discussion with two of the men in the house and here is the heart of it:  

God Blesses Obedience

He does not care if you feel convicted or not He just wants your obedience Period.  Both men shared their stories.  Max was obedient without ever knowing what he was saved from He just did't want to suffer loss.  

Rem Jr.'s life was changed dramatically as a result of leaving a a worldly crowd and it has been a great testimony.  I love the men in this house they truly understand that they are DEAD to sin.  What an encouragement  they are.  Brandy took my feathers out yesterday and today she felt convicted by God to remove the tiny diamond from her nose in part as a result of my feathers.  She realized it created an image made by her not God.  Everyday is a another story here of iron sharpening iron.  Living my destiny, Kelilah

My First Act Of Obedience

Yes, I took the feathers out of my hair today because He said so and that's that.  Actually it's because He's revamping my image into His image. The operating system I created has to go on every level even how I look.  Judah said now that I have submitted He is not going to leave me hanging.  

God I am trusting you for that. 

Today has been non stop being ministered to and alot of it is a retake on what God already said and some of what He is saying now.  I will blog it as it all comes down as it too much for now.

The family is complete and back together as Dunemis has returned from a 5 month detainment.  I loved him immediately as with the others - just can't help loving this family.  We met tonight at the refrigerator and knew we were meant to chat.  It was an amazing encounter!!!!!!  He is so gifted in the spirit and spoke the things of God to me.    Here are the highlights: 

If I remain obedient and I will He has great plans for me that will unfold quickly in the next few months  Much ministry that will take place in Israel and it is there that I will meet my one and only husband that God has chosen for me.  In the mean time I am to remain here in Va to prepare and allow God to reveal and heal my wounds.  

Sweet Dreams my destiny awaits me!

Faith with Expectancy

I have got to find a night to just crash!!!!!  I am definitely sleep deprived.  It's been so long since I had a normal nights sleep.  Re-entry here had me up till one and we are getting up early to go the Temple.  To my delight and surprise I do not have my own room and space as before but will be bunking in with the girls.  Four of us in one bedroom and one bathroom this should be very interesting.  Even though Temple was great I had a hard time staying awake.  Here are some of the highlights that touched me:  

He wants more of my heart like a lover and wants to bring me higher

His promises to me are true and He says I will be found by you so 

SEEK ME

Fast when you are seeking direction

Fast, pray, and lay hands on and anointing on you for protection of God

When you get a prophetic word pray and let the Lord God unfold it for your life-I sure did need to hear that

Best to minister in two's and make sure you are filled

There is safety in Submission

Walk out the things of God-You're gonna wrestle

Even if you are more spiritual than the man God will work through the order that He established

Trying to change someone else is manipulation-witchcraft

Came home and Destiny and I went marketing for some healthy food and girl talk.  We seem to  

 get into these food frenzy's together so we are trying to improve on what we are eating at least.  Played our usual board game with lots of laughs.

Missing Dave but feeling good about this!  I'm gonna hold on course to my destiny!

Embracing the Savior

Perfect!   A mysterious sky!   A muted moon masked and laced with the mystery of intriging dark to light  clouds.   I just stepped out for a moment but it caught my eye and whispered gently you are here.  Yes, I am.   It's my third trip  to Va in a month and I can see my view has changed dramatically each time.  From torment to confusion and now a peace and a knowing that the master has His hand on me and He will have His way and He will create in and through me all that I am here for.  I know this because I will surrender to Him.

My Va family welcomed me once agin but this time it was more like I belonged here or lived here and it was like Hi Aunt Kelilah your back.  Even the babies acted as if I had only been gone for a moment and it was living  as usual.  You never know who you will  be spending time with at any given moment.  There are 19 of us here passing through four generations and it all just works.  

The day was pretty much preparation for getting here and then the drive down.  My thoughts went in and out about Dave.  He has such a big piece of my heart.  I am determined to let him be to God and embrace all that God has for me.   

Almost every other moment seems so precious here.  Each one has a story and you kinda drop in and out.  Brandy just told me she was feeling nauseas and may be pregnant.  Max took some time with me tonight and is teaching me how to understand the dynamics of a computer.  Emily, just now about to deliver her third baby let's me assist her with the dinners.  She is the cook for now and barely can get next to the counter.  She made cookies tonight and there was as much flour on her stomach as there was in the bowl.   Judah, now in his first year of college and I might add my music buddy just breezed by.  Aunt Kelilah, I have till midnight to get this paper done- yeh Judah don't worry I'll back you up and the beat goes on here it just never stops.

Hopelessly Romantic

It's raining but I hardly notice as my thoughts are taken.  I'm filled with a contentment and a sadness knowing that a beautiful connection of feeling hopelessly romantic and in love will end today.  

A Day Of Firsts

Yes, I actually exercised for four days in a row.  Yes, I actually took a singing lesson from grand niece, Destiny   and I am a Soprano she said!  Destined to sing?  Well that will take alot more convincing but I am going for it! 

Yes Sir

Today was good!  My only goal was to follow God one step one decision at a time.  Let me explain-Ren is one years old and she says NO often.  The family is teaching her not to say NO and  replace it with YES SIR or YES MAM.  I picked up on this and realized that was what I needed to do with God whether I felt like it or not.

My day has been better than most recently thanks to Serenity.  I've been taking and given so much by this family.  Today I started giving.  These words from a song have been chanting all day in my mind, "I'll follow you to the broken."   I suspect it is part of my destiny

Oh He Loves Me Sooo

So consumed and He just keeps on lovin me through these amazing kids, ministering angels, and my loving friends.  No judgement, no expectations or agendas here!   So free to just be.  In the midst of the chaos there is a peace.  Even in this time of not knowing a warm smile creeps across my face.  Yes, the air seems cleaner and my head feels lighter.  I sense something wonderful is about to happen.  Grace like rain is falling on my destiny.    

Back On Track

Was hoping to blog last night but my Va. family kept going playing Apple to Apple.  We laughed hardly past midnight.  The pull back to Dave is still strong.  Resisting contact in spite of my hearts emotions.  Anyway it's a new day in spite of the storms.  Hurricane Irene hit today!  Being all together is such a strong force that nothing seems to effect us as a whole.  Games and movies the agenda for the day.  Em made an amazing white chili and Des made her scrumptious blueberry scones.  I love this family!!!!!!It is definitely part of what I needed.  I am called to be here for now anyway.  I woke up this morning with these words the running is over.  I have been running since the day that my husband Denny died.  O'h God not to make plans not to think about how I will fill up every day and night is soooo refreshing.  I just am!!!!  I have not even washed my face for two days or put my lenses in.  We watched the movie Something Borrowed and of course I cried during the love scenes. Rosie, a very special 12 year old annointed by God,  ministered to me after the movie.  I actually video taped what she said.  Basically if I heed the voice of God He will do all that He has promised.  She prayed healing over me for the pain from Denny and Dave.  God is going to heal you-just move on she said.  Thank you God for sending Rosie into my life and loving me through her today.  Got to go as my destiny awaits me!

All I Do I Do For You

The sound of silence at last.  Everyone went to their room but me.  Great time to post!

Arrived back in Va. tonight.  In some ways this is feeling more like home than my own home.  After all it's the people that make a house a home not the house.  I was greeted with lots of hugs and kisses from the oldest to the youngest .  It was so wonderful to feel all their love.  What is this?  Am I in hiding or running or seeking? 

  A little of each I suspect.  The pain of leaving a love that God said to to release and  the adventure of following my jealous God into my destiny.  I find myself on a see saw-one moment desiring to be sold out for Him and  another yet still wanting to run back into the man I fell in love with arms.  With this said I am determined to live life by the spirit not my emotions. Today is the first day in about 10 or more that I actually did not cry.  I was feeling so responsible for the pain that I caused my friend but I am letting go of that.  This is where the healing starts where light meets the dark... 

The old into the new, the past into the future, the dark into the light

and the next volume begins!

Tomorrow Bina and Aunt Kelilah head south to Gainesville, VA.

And the spirit of God leads them as they travel to their destiny